Category: Writing and Excerpts

Sometimes you start writing a story, get most of the way through and realize that some of the characters need more work. In your head, they are fully developed, colorful and living, but in your manuscript, they are flat and one dimensional.

That’s what happened with one of my antagonists, Eve. As I hit the 30K mark I realized that while I fully understood her complexity and backstory, I hadn’t included much of it in the plot. I decided she deserved a bigger part in the story. Now my novella is turning into a full-blown novel.

For my blog, I decided to include a scene revolving around Eve.

TRIGGER WARNING!

THIS IS DEFINITELY DIFFERENT THAN WHAT I HAVE WRITTEN IN THE PAST. IT’S A LOT DARKER, AND WAS DEFINITELY HARD TO WRITE FOR A MULTITUDE OF PERSONAL REASONS. IT VERGES ON THE BORDER OF EROTICA, BUT IT ALSO REVOLVES AROUND SEX ABUSE. IF THIS BOTHERS YOU. PLEASE READ NO FURTHER.

The man’s eyes rolled back and his jaw slackened, drool dripping down his wiry brown beard. His head lolled against the back of the chair as Bianca whispered against his neck. His arms dropped to his sides, limp, like two dead fish. She took a rag and cleaned his neck.

Eve laughed as she came in behind her. “Pathetic, you would think they would put up some resistance.”

“Not even a struggle,” Bianca purred, “They never do. Not when they think they’re going to get their cocks serviced. It’s almost too easy. And even easier to make them believe I did anything. They’re so starved for female attention; their minds are so easy to manipulate.”

“I know,” Eve agreed. “I try not to look too deeply at what they’re thinking. It’s disgusting, the things they think they want to do to women, and specifically to us, just because we’re whores and they’ve paid for it.” She shook her head as she shuddered. “But at least it makes it easy to control them.”

“But you think the would at least wash. They’re so—disgusting.” Bianca continued to prepare the area of his neck, then his wrists as he lounged back, smiling and moaning.

Her stiletto gleamed as she removed it from the sheath in her bodice. She poked it into the flesh of his clavicle, not hard enough to pierce the skin, but just enough to elicit a moan from the mesmerized man. “What shall we do with this one? He had the nerve to try to put his hand up my thigh under the table tonight.”

“Drain him. We’ve already got his gold. When we’re done feeding, we’ll have him walk himself out to his claim and just fall asleep in the snow, still thinking about enjoying you. He’ll die a happy, frozen man.”

“What about our two ‘Men of the Law’?” Bianca asked, flashing her teeth as she pulled his hair back exposing his neck. Eve came closer, sitting on the stool next to the man, picking up a wrist and examining it.

“I’ve already got them entranced in the next room. Along with that Carpenter. They’re for later. Demyan thinks they’ll be helpful in securing our new position here. But for tonight,” she licked her lips. “We’re going to initiate our pretty new friend Helena in her dreams show her what becoming one of us could mean,” Eve said, taking a bite of his muscled wrist.

“Mmmn, she’ll be a treat when we finally get to have her. Too bad it will only be a dream tonight,” Bianca drawled as she made a precision cut with her knife at his throat, then sucked as the blood trickled from the incision. “She’s got a delicious body, but so sweet and innocent too. Hard to believe she was married.” She flicked the knife between her fingers.

“Show-off,” Eve giggled in-between drinks at his wrist. “But I know what you mean. I could practically taste her innocence. But as to being married,” Eve rolled her eyes and wagged the man’s wrist she was drinking back at Bianca. “You’ve seen it for yourself, half these men don’t know how to pleasure a woman, and the rest don’t care. They just want to satisfy themselves. I’d be surprised if her dead husband ever made her come.”

“I know what you mean. I think the first time I ever came was when Demyan and Marissa made love to me after they taught me how to drain my husband. We threw him in the Grand Canal under the full moon and watched him bob away,” she said with a giggle. “Best Carnivale I ever attended.”

Eve threw back her head and laughed. “Sounds like you were heart broken.”

Bianca simpered and nodded as she drank, “She’ll be a lovely little sister. Better than that wretched, feral thing we turned to make up for losing Natasha.” The man continued to moan and writhe as the two women drained his life’s blood.

“Have you fed her tonight? We need to keep building her powers, at least until the solstice or we turn Helena.” Eve asked as she sat back on the ottoman next to the chair, satiated.

“I gave her regular food. Haven’t brought her a man yet tonight. Can’t seem to break her of the habit of draining them completely,” Bianca said eyebrows drawn together as she lifted her bloodstained lips from the man’s neck. “Which of the men downstairs do we want to give to the little bitch?”

“I’ll go read their minds and bring one up. I’ll make sure it’s one that won’t be terribly missed, just in case. Meet me at the bottom of the stairs. You can take one up to hypnotize for later with the others, I’ll take one downstairs for Liz.”

Eve stood up, daubing her lips with a square of black silk. Bianca walked away, cleaning her knife and re-sheathing it between her breasts. Eve leaned over him, chanting a few words into his ear. He obediently rose from the chair and made his way out of the room and down the stairs. She followed him down to the parlor, where Demyan sat playing cards with the men who had made “appointments” for massage for the evening. She helped the tranced miner with his jacket and shooed him out the door into the subzero night. Then she turned her enchanting smile on the eager party crowded around the red velvet draped card table.

“Who’s next?” she asked as the three remaining men perked up, adjusting their collars and belts as they set their cards down. She scanned their minds. The two law men and the Carpenter were already unconscious in the spare bedroom upstairs, waiting for later. Swiftwater Bill, considered to be one of the “Kings of Dawson” sat to Demyan’s left. She’d let Demyan deal with him. He was too well-known and famous to take a chance. Doc Anderson sat to his right, and was one of the two “medical professionals” in town. He called himself a doctor, but in reality, he was little more than a charlatan. Selling laudanum and other opiates and potions, pretending to have medical training with a fake certificate from Harvard. Really, he was an expert at bleeding sick people of their money, literally and figuratively. Eve couldn’t wait to bleed him later. Robert McNabb, sitting directly across the table was a well-to-do miner who had struck it fairly rich in the fall, but not necessarily of great importance. She’d have to be careful. She telegraphed her thoughts to Demyan.

She placed her hands on her thigh, adjusting one of her garters. “Mr. McNabb, Doctor Anderson. Why don’t you follow me?” she said, adjusting the black lace on the top of her corset. Bill frowned, while Doc Anderson and McNabb rose, eyes glued to the sway of her hips and the bobbing of her breasts as she talked.

“Don’t be sore,” Demyan said to Bill, pouring him more whiskey. “They’re obviously saving the best for last. You’ll have the benefit of a two for one deal, being the last customer of the night.” Placated, Swiftwater Bill sat back in his chair, puffing his cigar and sipping his whiskey as they settled into polite conversation. Eve knew as soon as the door closed behind her, Demyan would begin his own enchantment. He would manipulate his mind and feed on the rich, pompous man.

Bianca stood at the bottom of the stairs, her large breasts barely contained by the burgundy satin corset. She licked her lips and fluffed her raven ringlets as the two men approached.

“Bianca, darling,” Eve said with the men in tow. “Why don’t you take the good Doctor upstairs, make him comfortable for his massage.”

“Absolutely,” She replied with a giggle. “Please follow me,” she said, taking his arm as they walked up the stairs.

“Mr. McNabb,” Eve whispered in his ear. She shoved him up against the wall and ran her hands down, caressing the bulge at his crotch, “I get the impression you’re a man of more unique tastes. Would you care to try something, a little—darker, more painful tonight?” She knew what his answer would be before he did. She’d already read his thoughts, had started manipulating them. He fantasized about tying women up, about doing cruel things to them. He was just the right candidate to introduce to little Liz in the basement.

“Yes—oh yes, please,” he panted, tangling his fingers in her hair while giving her ass a squeeze though the silk of her tap pants.

She kissed his lips, darting her tongue into his mouth. Her temples throbbed as his disgusting, lustful thoughts poured into her brain. Her rage built inside as his thoughts swirled, flashes of brutal scenes. Binding her to a bed, choking her, whipping her with his belt while he groped her small breasts. If she hadn’t already fed, she’d rip his throat out herself. She clawed at his clothes, snapping away buttons in pretend passion. She yanked her head back from his, coppery taste of blood against her tongue as she nipped a fraction too hard in her bitterness.

“Patience, Stud,” she gripped his muscled wrists, forcing them to his sides. “Follow me to our playroom. Bianca will join us as soon as she’s done with the Doctor,” Eve promised with a smile.

The man followed down into the chilly basement level without a question as she tugged him along by the ornate silver and gold buckle holding on his belt. At the heavy cellar door, she paused, pushing him against the wall once more. “Wait here just a moment Stud, let me make sure she’s ready.”

“Who’s ready?” he asked, his voice husky with need.

“Our other friend, Liz. She likes to be kept tied up, waiting, in pain. It’s her little turn on. We only introduce her to special customers who we think can handle it. Most customers are a little too uptight for that kind of thing.” She smiled wider at the gleam in the pathetic fool’s eye. He was hooked, salivating at the prospect of torturing a willing woman. He’d follow her to hell at the crook of her finger. She didn’t even need to use her powers to trance this disgusting sadist. She kissed him once more time licking the blood she’d drawn from the cut on his lips.

“You’ll pay for that,” he growled, toying with his belt buckle as he leaned back against the wall.

“Mmmn, I can’t wait,” she simpered. She turned away and eased the door open, guts boiling at the thought of him laying even a finger on her in the way his thoughts implied.

Just like that night. Like that old lecher. He thinks I’ll let him choke me, whip me then rape me. I’ll show him who’s in charge. She thought to herself, igniting the candles in the room with the snap of her fingers. So many of them, so many are like that. Disgusting. She flickered her eyes around the room. The lumpy mattress and bedding on the floor lay in a tangled mess. At least she ate the mush Bianca gave her. Eve thought, taking in the empty bowl next to the bed. “Liz, come out. It’s me, Eve,” she called, bracing herself, hands ready for the attack.

A pair of red eyes glittered from the closet in the corner as a chain rattled. Eve stiffened her spine and glared back as a low hiss filled the room. Less than a heartbeat later, the girl sprang from the closet, lunging at Eve with her hands and snapping her tiny fangs. She jerked against the chain attached by a thick piece of leather locked to her neck. She fell to the floor, whimpering, her sheer blue silk chemise stained and torn to shreds. Eve reached down gripped both wrists. She yanked the girl to her feet and locked her arms into the iron manacles dangling from the ceiling. Then she grabbed a leather bit from the wall. Gripping the girl’s jaw in her hand she examined her teeth.

Still not very well developed, but razor sharp. She forced the gag into the girl’s mouth as she continued to sob and writhe. Next she bound her feet far apart as she continued to struggle, her plump pale skin jiggling as she tried to free herself.

“Liz,” she said, stroking the girl’s tangled toffee-brown hair. Her gray eyes darted up to meet Eve’s. “You really need to stop this behavior, you know.” The girl moaned and nodded. “I’ve brought you a little present. Are you hungry?”

Her head bobbed up and down and she smiled behind the leather gag. “Please? Please?” Eve recognized the garbled word despite the impediment.

“Of course, love. But only if you promise to behave,” Eve cupped handfuls of breast and pinched her nipples as the girl squirmed and squealed. Her head lolling back as Eve licked her neck. “Now, precious, are you ready to entertain our friend? I will do so much more for you if you obey me. I know you want to make me happy.”

She nodded once more, eyes shining. “Yes, Mother Eve.” She mumbled.

Eve stepped back, stomach churning once more as she ground her teeth. She grabbed the leather crop from the wall and held it up so Liz could see it. Liz wriggled and moaned. Eve closed her eyes, gripping the leather-bound rod hard enough her hands ached. She hated using the girl’s strange proclivities like this. She shook her head, we’ll get her fed, then we’ll civilize her later. She can’t help what happened to her, what those cruel people did to her. Men and women. How could they do that to a mere child? It’s not her fault she now confuses pleasure and pain.

She turned back to the door, swallowing bile as she plastered a smile on her lips, easing it open. The man leaned against the wall, still fiddling with his undone belt, his erection straining against the canvas of his pants.

“She’s ready and waiting now,” Eve purred, taking him by the wrist and leading him into the candlelit cellar.

Eve’s temples throbbed, head pounding as his sick thoughts hammered their way into her brain. He licked his lips, taking in the sight of Liz writhing and moaning with her hands high above her head, her half-naked body exposed for what he thought was going to be his pleasure. He never even gave a second thought about such a young girl in a state. His twisted brain immediately jumped to torturing Liz on repeat.

“This is special,” he said, stroking her hair as he positioned himself behind Liz. He lifted her chemise and began rubbing himself against her exposed backside. Eve’s jaw ached from clenching her teeth.

Bianca better hurry up and get her ass here. I don’t know how long I can watch this.

“Give me that crop,” he said, holding out his hand. Eve’s own hands shook as she placed it into his.

God are they all like this? Disgusting sadists who like to hit women. Like that night with Lord Walshingham, when he came to my room. Thank god Fabiyan was also visiting. He was able to stop him in time-before it got too bad. And father knew…that was the worst part, He condoned it because we were to be wed. She rubbed her temples, forcing herself to focus on the glow of the candles as her touched the crop to Liz’s face. She wanted to put her hands over her ears, block out the sound of the squeals and whimpers coming from Liz’ gagged mouth as he began to slap her plump body with his hands and the crop, raising small red welts. Liz turned into his abuse, eager for more. Eve clutched at her stomach, tightly bound under her black satin corset.

No more, I can’t watch this. She told herself, shaking her head. She rushed forward, arresting his wrist mid-strike. “Save some for later Stud,” she managed to stammer. “We don’t want to wear her out too much,” she whispered in his ear. He nodded, his breath coming in ragged gasps as he relinquished the crop to her. I can’t let him wind her up too much. She’s already so hard to control. I don’t know if I’ll be able to stop her.

“I want her on her knees,” he said, yanking Liz’s matted, sweaty hair. Liz cooed and drooled, panting hard as her eyes flickered to Eve’s. Eve’s stomach knotted again. She nodded to the girl and she smiled at Eve behind the gag.

“Of course,” Eve said, offering up a fake smile. “Let me take care of that. Step back please.” He obeyed, breathing hard as he stoked his cock, bulging beneath his pants.

She moved her hands up to Liz’s restraints, meanwhile she whispered in the girl’s ear. “Remember, you won’t get your reward unless you obey.”

“Yes Mother Eve,” she mumbled in return. Eve shuddered, as Liz’s rage and lust pulsed through her. She tried to read her thoughts, use her powers to quell the swirling maelstrom. It was like trying to douse a raging inferno with a single bucket of water.

I hope I can control her. How can I control her if I can barely control myself? This is utterly disgusting.

She bound Liz’s wrists behind her back with rope and helped her to kneel. Liz rubbed her head against Eve’s stocking-clad legs like a cat, moaning and whimpering. Eve stroked her hair, hand shaking, then she removed the leather bit from her mouth.

“That’s so beautiful,” McNabb said, stepping closer, dropping his hands to his pants. “When I’m finished with her, I’ll take you on next. I’d love to tangle my hands in that red hair while I ride you, beautiful. Show you what a real man can do. I’ll wrap my hands around that pretty white throat, put you in your place. Beneath me.” He chuckled as he unfastened his belt, then his pants, dropping them to the floor as he placed himself in front of Liz.

“I can’t wait,” Eve lied, holding on to Liz’s shoulder as she strained forward, eager to feed. A noise at the door caught her eye. Bianca stood at the threshold, arms crossed, lips pursed. Eve let out a long sigh, relieved.

He glanced over his shoulder, tangling his rough hands in Liz’s hair. “I’m a lucky man tonight. Looks like now it’s a real party.”

“Indeed, it is,” Bianca drawled, hamming up her Italian accent. Her satin heels echoed against the rough stone floor as she slinked across the room. She positioned herself behind him, running her hands up and down his torso as she pressed her breasts into his back. She slid her stiletto from her bodice and sliced his shirt open down the front. She tugged it open, exposing the pale skin of his chest.

“This is the best night of my life,” he moaned as Eve urged Liz forward on her knees. Liz chortled with glee as her lips closed around his now exposed cock. She released Liz, then ran her fingers through his hair, jerking his head back and exposing his neck for Bianca.

“What—What—oh my—g!” he began to cry as sharp teeth began to dig in to sensitive flesh. Eve cut off his cry by clapping her lips over his mouth, tasting copper as she bit into his tongue and flesh. Bianca made a few precise incisions in his throat and began to lick the crimson stream flowing down his neck. As his struggles weakened and he began to grow limp, Bianca and Eve lowered him to the floor. Liz pulled her head back and giggled, chin and cheeks smeared scarlet in the flickering candlelight.

“Yes, you’re doing good tonight,” Eve said, stroking her face. Liz rubbed her cheek against Eve’s leg once more, smearing gore against her gossamer silk stockings.

Bianca tutted in disgust and re-sheathed her knife. “So now what?”

Eve nudged him with her toe, as much as she wanted to watch Liz finish him, she knew that wasn’t the answer tonight. “I’ll send him home. Disgusting pervert. I’ll make him think he slipped on the ice and bit his tongue while taking a piss.” She dragged him toward the threshold by his legs. Once out of the room at the bottom of the stairs, she whispered in his ear. He obediently got up and re-arranged his disheveled clothes. He staggered up the staircase.

“He’ll be back you know,” Bianca said.

“I’m counting on it,” Eve replied, turning her attention to cleaning up Liz. “We have to teach her somehow. She needs to learn to drain them slowly, not always kill them. He deserves to die, but we’ll do it some other time.” She washed Liz’s face and neck vigorously while the girl purred and cooed. Bianca rolled her eyes as she smoother her curls.

“I think you’re wasting your time,” Bianca said, motioning with her hands toward Liz as she groveled on the floor from Eve’s attention. “You can’t save her. My telepathic powers are no where near as good as yours but even I can see that her mind is rotten. She’s crazy. You don’t endure that much torture, have that many men gang rape you for that many years and come back. You just don’t, Eve.”

“What should we do with her then? Just put her out of her misery like a horse with a broken leg,” Eve spat, gripping the gore stained rag in her gloved fingers.

“Yes,” Bianca said. “Once we get a true third, that’s exactly what we should do. She’d be better off.”

Eve’s temples throbbed as she bared her fangs. Before she could raise her fist to slug Bianca, cold fingers circled her wrist, arresting it mid-air. Bianca was shoved back several feet as Fabiyan appeared between them.

“That’s enough for tonight,” he snarled. “Bianca, go upstairs and get everything ready for our ceremony. Now.” He continued to hold Eve’s wrist as Bianca slunk from the room. Her steps echoed on the stairs. Liz cowered at Eve’s feet, eyes wide as she gazed up at Fabiyan. His own eyes glowed crimson as he stared Eve down.

“Eve, you have to learn to let it go. You’re going to have an eternity to exact your revenge for what was done to you. You don’t have to do it all at once. And Bianca’s right.” He ran his hands over Liz’s hair. “She’s too far gone. You’re going to encounter lots of wounded creatures like her, Love. You can’t save them all. We have to be careful to whom we grant immortality. An immortal with no reason, just rage, can be a dangerous beast walking the earth. We should never have turned her.”

Eve’s knees turned to water and her arm went limp in his grasp. She closed her eyes, desperate to not look down at the girl still quivering against her legs like a beaten puppy. She nodded.

“Let’s put her to bed, then we need to get to work.” Fabiyan said, stroking Eve’s cheek with his fingers.

She sighed. They finished cleaning up in the basement, and locked their monstrosity away for another night.

            At the sound of the door creaking closed, the candles snuffed. A haze of gray smoke created shapes in the darkness as she opened her eyes and giggled. The harsh guttural sound echoed against the stone walls of the crude basement, filling her with delight. The silver shined orange and red the glow of the stove beyond the reach of the chain around her neck.  She ran her fingers over the ornate metalwork of the man’s belt buckle, rage and lust surging as she remember the power of having her lips around his sensitive organ and drawing blood. All while Mother Eve stroked her hair.

            I was good. She said I was a good girl. She’s so happy with me. Mother Eve loves me. Not like that vicious cunt Bianca or that evil man Demyan.

Mother Eve and that cruel witch Bianca had been so busy bickering that they hadn’t noticed it fall from the man’s clothing when he was on the floor. Concealing it beneath her legs, while they argued, she shoved it under the mattress with her foot for later.

            Blue and white sparks flew in the dark as she raked it back and forth against the crude stone floor, sharpening an edge.

            She tested the metal against her thigh, waves of pleasure and pain radiating, making her moan as a ragged slash appeared against the old cut marks on her pale skin. She threw back her head and moaned in ecstasy as the gouge resealed as if it had never been.

            Soon, she promised herself, tucking her new toy under her mattress and sticking her thumb in her mouth. I’ll free myself of this stupid chain. I’ll show Mother Eve just how smart I am. Just how happy I can make her. I’ll get rid of nasty Bianca and Demyan. I need to figure out who this ‘other’ is. The one they want to replace me with. Mother Eve will never let them hurt me I can tell. Not like the other people. She gives me pleasure and tells me how special I am. She rescued me for the real monsters. I owe her my life, and I’m willing to pay.

            She snuggled under her blankets, watching the wrist irons sway from the ceiling above. I’ll clamp Bianca to the ceiling. Then I’ll show her real pain. I’ll show the world pain. She drifted to sleep with her jumbled thoughts of rage, lust, love and revenge.

Thanks for reading! Stay tuned for more blog posts on this and my other horror and Romantic Suspense stories.