“I’m going in to the neurologist tomorrow to get the results-to find out whether or not I have MS,” I told him, I looked up into his eyes, choking on tears.
He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me closer, comforting me in his warm, strong arms. “It’s okay, baby. I’ll be there for you. Call me afterward.”
That was 20 years ago. To this day I can remember how silky the warm sand felt beneath my feet on that South Carolina beach. How the beacon of the lighthouse flashed like a brilliant white star and the salt from the ocean spray tasted on the night wind.
I’ll never forget the pain when he didn’t answer the phone.
It wasn’t the first time I had been ghosted, nor would it be the last. But it would be the first time I was ghosted because of my MS.*** I faced the diagnosis that would end my Naval career alone.
I look at the calendar and realize I am fast approaching my MS diagnosis anniversary (June 1). The year 2000 was a year of tumultuous change in my life. So far, it looks like 2020 will be as well. Not just for me, but for so many others. I find myself once more standing on the precipice of an enormous shift in my life. But unlike in 2000, I am looking forward to the leap, even though I am not entirely certain what the future may hold.
On Monday, I will head into my old office to pack my desk. The end date for the job that brought me to Alaska is coming quick. For the first time in almost 25 years I am going to take a break. Admittedly, I am both nervous and excited at the same time.
The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be
Ralph Waldo Emerson
I look around at 2020 and wonder how I will remember this year 20 years from now. Will it be with a sense of darkness for a year of strife? I’d like to think it will be bittersweet. I want to look back see a feeling of hope, that we, as a society stood at the precipice of self-destruction and chose a better path. What do you think will be the choice? Who will you choose to be? We’re half-way through.
Thanks for reading! Sorry for the rather gloomy blog this week. I promise next week will be more uplifting.
Ray and I have a lot of projects planned for not only this summer but beyond. We’re going to be doing experiments with our solar kit out at the cabin and hopefully some wind studies on our 31 acres in the hopes of putting in some wind turbines eventually. We’re building two new structures on the property this summer.
For those who follow me on Instagram, you know that Ray is working on several new sculptures for the property. In the meantime, my first self-published novella, The Dark Land is out on Amazon. I am working on the sequel, as well as continuing to query some of my other novels.
We have some other projects up our sleeves, TBA soon.
Side Note:
***I know some will ask, how do you know he ghosted you because of your MS. This is the cautionary tale of:
Don’t date (then ghost) someone you work with.
This could practically be another blog unto itself. But other coworkers knew we had been dating and found out why he suddenly dumped me. Apparently, he didn’t think it was that big a deal, so he told everyone the truth about what he’d done. Let’s just say the rest of the guys at work let him know what a sleaze move that was. I didn’t have to. The best revenge is sometimes when someone else makes themselves look like a jerk. Even though it really hurt at the time.
True Friends
And to give credit where credit is due, while I got ghosted, dumped and diagnosed, three of the most awesome guys I had the privilege to serve with in the Navy requested leave from the Enterprise and drove down to Charleston to cheer me up. I’ll forever be grateful for their kindness and support. This is also my answer to the question, can men and women be friends. Absolutely. Friends and shipmates.
