A while back I posted this picture on social media:
It was one of my most unique life adventures. For about a month during summer break from college in August of 2003, I flew around the US, wherever the military had Space Available Flights.
Several followers reached out and said they would like to know more about the story behind this trip.
Here goes:
The Backstory
Midnight 2001/2002 I met *Bob at a nightclub in downtown Seattle. We went on two dates before he was stationed overseas in preparation for Iraq.
Long Distance Relationship
Our relationship was mostly phone calls and letters. But he professed to love me and want to marry me. On one hand, I was rather flattered. This is the kind romance you read about in books or see in movies, right? Even my mom thought it was sweet, since that is how she and my dad met. My parents dated briefly before my father headed off to Vietnam, then they got married when he returned. They’ve now been married almost 50 years. In theory, it could work.
But Do You Really Know Him?
My guts told me this was rash. How much can you really get to know someone through calls and letters. I decided to give it a shot. At the same time, I really thought we needed to see each other more in person before taking it to the next level.
Through these letters and calls, we did learn quite a bit about each other. In particular, he did know about the fact that I had a chronic medical condition: MS. He also knew I was putting myself through school to get my electrical engineering degree in Seattle.
The Best Laid Plans of Mice and Men
In the on my summer break from college in 2003, I made plans to go visit him in Germany before he was due to rotate to Iraq. I was on a serious budget in college, so I researched taking military Space Available flights (I’m medically retired from the Navy, so I’m eligible).
The Inciting Event
During the final few weeks of classes, the stress brought on a migraine so severe, I had to be hospitalized (because they weren’t sure if it was a migraine or a stroke). When I was being released from the hospital, I sent him an email about what was going on and asked him to call me. I couldn’t call him at the time because of his location.
A Red Flag Flies
When he finally called, as I was being discharged from the hospital he said, “Is this going to be a regular thing? Because when we’re married, I don’t want to have to work.”
I was too stunned to come back immediately with anything, especially since I was still doped up on medications.
He then quickly dismissed me with something along the lines of, “take care driving home and I’ll talk to you later.”
I think you will understand when I tell you, that BOTHERED ME. And that is putting it mildly. I hoped he was joking. He said he cared.
WHAT THE HELL????
I wasn’t putting myself through the torture of an electrical engineering degree just for the fun of it. Though I am one of those psychos who likes to do math. In fact, the VA was paying for it on the premise that I would be employable at the end. I WANTED TO WORK. At the same time. I have Multiple Sclerosis. A disease that can choose to knock me flat whenever it wants.
One of my major criteria for a life partner was someone who would be on my team. Not someone who just wanted me to support him.
At the same time, I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. Part of me desperately wanted it to just be a misunderstanding. After all the letters and calls, yes, I had feelings for him.
Things Go From Bad to Worse
So, I sent him an email telling him that something he said really bugged me, and I wanted to talk about it. Could he give me a call back so we could discuss it?
His reply?
He was too busy. Just email him.
I really didn’t want to do that because I know how things can come off wrong in an email. I let him know that.
His reply was that I was starting to annoy him, and I should really just email what was on my mind.
So…I…did…
Oh boy…
The response in return was a profanity laced email that haunts me to this day. I won’t go into details. Sadly, I wasn’t rude. I just stated what he said and why it hurt me. The names he called me and how angry he got was terrifying.
I decided was not going anywhere in his vicinity.
New Plans and an Ex-Boyfriend/Old Friend
I was shaken and restless. I had a whole month off from school and work. I needed to escape. The walls of my apartment seemed to get smaller every time I read Bob’s violently angry email.
I know many people say you can’t be friends with an ex-boyfriend, but it just so happens I was.
I called up *Jake.
Backstory of Jake
Jake and I dated in the Navy in South Carolina. Our first go-round didn’t work out. He ghosted me in the worst way and broke my heart. I moved on. When I got diagnosed with MS and was getting ready to leave South Carolina, he called me one night out of the blue.
Jake apologized profusely with no expectations of forgiveness or friendship. He said that he had always felt guilty for what he had done, but didn’t know how to rectify it. He told some of his friends about it, and they insisted that he call and at least try to apologize. We went out for dinner. The sparks flew again between us, but I was moving away, so we became good friends.
When I called Jake and told him what happened, he suggested I come to Charleston and stay with him for a bit instead. I looked up the Space Available Schedule. While I couldn’t get directly to Charleston, SC; I could get to North Carolina and rent a vehicle.
The Adventure Begins…
I sent Bob an email that I wasn’t coming to Germany, and that we needed to take a break from each other. Which seemed silly in some ways since I hadn’t seen him in almost a year and a half at that point. But I needed time to process his violent response to my email. I let him know I would talk to him again when school started.
I packed my trusty green backpack. I have travelled with this baby across Europe, on camping trips in the Alaska backcountry, and I still have it to this day. I loaded it into the back of my red Hyundai and headed to McChord AFB, south of Seattle to catch my flight across the US.
Next: my flight to North Carolina and a Dark and Stormy Night
*Names have been changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent
Thanks for reading!
About the Author
I joined the Navy at 18 to escape a small town in the Mojave Desert. A diagnosis of MS disrupted my dreams of becoming an astronaut or a super spy. I made limoncello from my lemons and became a super electrical engineer instead. My fascination with live high voltage drew me to Alaska. I came for the job, but stayed for the adventure. I enjoy blogging about my journey as a woman working in STEM, my experiences dealing with everything MS has handed me, and the wonder of the Alaska wilderness. My husband and I have undertaken the task of turning 30 acres of remote land into an off-grid retreat. I write stories about unique women in STEM who save the day and the hot guys who sometimes help along the way, as well as historical fiction about the Klondike Gold Rush. Teasers for these stories can be found on my website. I self-published my first horror novella, The Dark Land, on Amazon in May of 2020. I released the sequel, The Devil’s Valley, in May of 2021. Both stories are set in the wilderness of Wrangell-St. Elias National Park, and draw on the Athabascan “Head Waters Peoples” legends of the Cet’ann, or “The People With Tails”.
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