#travel – Scribbling For Fun

September 16, 2021

Ripping the Bandage off Quickly: My 30-Day Space Available Adventure, Part 5

Day trip to Savannah, GA: Contemplation…

Since it was the last day I would have my rental car, I took a day trip down the highway to Savannah, GA one of my favorite places. I walked the riverfront and the old squares of the antebellum city. I always admired the way the Spanish moss hung on the stately live oaks. I drove the coastal highway out to Tybee Island. All the while, my mind churned over what I was going to tell Jake that night at dinner.

Lighthouse on Tybee Island, near Savannah, GA

By the time I made the long drive back up to Charleston, I knew what I was going to say.

Inflection Point

I think everyone in life has multiple forks in the road, or in my case, what I like to think of as inflection points. This was one for me. I was twenty-five years old, and had a series of less than fulfilling relationships under my belt, to say the least. I often attracted what was broken in me, clinging to relationships that weren’t working because I desperately wanted to be with someone. I felt that having a chronic illness made me in adequate to be loved.

This time, as much as I cared for Jake and he cared for me, I saw that this was not going to fulfil what I wanted and needed in life. I needed more than just a relationship with someone. I needed the right one who could support my goals and dreams. To cling to Jake and what we had, no matter how good it felt at the time, would be selfish. So I let go honestly and fully.

That night when I got back to his place and we talked, I told him I was never planning on moving back to Charleston.

I wouldn’t realize it for a long time after, but in that moment, I began to grow up.

Jake took it well. At the same time, for the rest of my stay there was a distance between us. The easy, carefree connection vanished. We made love a few more times, but it wasn’t the same. The painfulness of goodbye stole the magic.

Farewell Party

The weekend before I left, we attended a party hosted by some of his coworkers. Jake and his roommate played in the band. They covered rock classics like Watchtower by Hendrix and Whiteroom by Cream. I tend to be a wall flower in general, but this was one of the most welcoming and fun parties I had ever attended.

The following Monday, Jake drove me to the base at Charleston. In his late twenties, Jake broke his femur in a bad motorcycle accident. They had to install a metal rod in his leg. I remember him rolling his eyes as he set off the metal detector. He explained about the metal rod, but they still gave him a full pat-down. They waved the wand over his leg multiple times, then finally let us pass to the waiting area.

“Every time,” he grumbled, then laughed.

We kissed one last time before I boarded the C-130 for Norfolk. I promised to be careful and keep in touch.

It was bittersweet parting from Jake. Kenny Chesney’s Anything But Mine wouldn’t be released until the next year, but I always think of Jake when I hear that song.

A Positive Outcome

Believe it or not, there is a brightside to the story. At the party I mentioned, Jake met his future wife. They started dating and got married less than a year later. The last I heard from Jake, they had three kids and seemed happy. Jake and I lost touch around the time I moved to Alaska and met my husband. We had been friends on Facebook, but suddenly he wasn’t there anymore. I don’t know if he just discontinued his Facebook membership, or if he unfriended me. Either one is okay. I understand the need to eventually move on. But I will always think of him and our time together in Charleston as one of the best I have ever had.

Next Stop: Norfolk, Virginia

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About the Author

I joined the Navy at 18 to escape a small town in the Mojave Desert. A diagnosis of MS disrupted my dreams of becoming an astronaut or a super spy. I made limoncello from my lemons and became a super electrical engineer instead. My fascination with live high voltage drew me to Alaska. I came for the job, but stayed for the adventure. I enjoy blogging about my journey as a woman working in STEM, my experiences dealing with everything MS has handed me, and the wonder of the Alaska wilderness. My husband and I have undertaken the task of turning 30 acres of remote land into an off-grid retreat. I write stories about unique women in STEM who save the day and the hot guys who sometimes help along the way, as well as historical fiction about the Klondike Gold Rush. Teasers for these stories can be found on my website. I self-published my first horror novella, The Dark Land, on Amazon in May of 2020. I released the sequel, The Devil’s Valley, in May of 2021. Both stories are set in the wilderness of Wrangell-St. Elias National Park, and draw on the Athabascan “Head Waters Peoples” legends of the Cet’ann, or “The People With Tails”.

Some places were never meant for humans to trespass…

August 25, 2021

A Rift Opens with A Hard Truth: My 30 Day Space Available Adventure, Part 4

Killing Time and Relaxing

Those summer days hanging out on the beach, sometimes with Jake, but most of the time alone (he did have a job) were some of the best of my life. I finished The Two Towers and started The Return of the King. I managed to burn the hell out of my back because I lay on the shore too long in my bikini top and cut-off shorts on my stomach without putting on sunscreen or flipping over. Jake laughed at me that night and rubbed aloe on my back when he saw my burn (I hadn’t realized it…yet).

Isle of Palms Beach. On of my favorite beaches near Charleston, SC

He and his roommate had a band, and some nights I watched them rehearse. The Saturday before I was scheduled to leave, they were performing a huge party that one of their co-workers was planning. For the most part, it was a laid-back week of relaxing and just enjoying each other’s company. I didn’t have to put on a show or pretend to be perfect for him. He already knew who I was and liked it.

Spider Man

Me in downtown Charleston in August, 2003

Remember the giant spider the night I got there?

One night when we got home from dinner, the giant spider was halfway between the house and the tree in the front yard. No really, it was suspended by the lines it had created across the open space.

“I’m done with this. This is creepy!” Jake yelled, grabbing a shovel from the back of his truck. He annihilated the spider mid-air while I cheered him on.

A Divergence Arises

At the same time, a rift was opening between us.

A deadline loomed. It came to a head one evening.

“I wish you still lived in Charleston, and we could date for real again,” Jake said over dinner out of nowhere.

I looked at him across the table and said, ‘I wish I could too.”

In that moment, what wasn’t said was just as important as what was said.

The next morning when Jake got up early for work, I got up early too and drove to the beach. It was something I used to do a lot when I was stationed in Charleston. I would get up early and sit on the beach to watch the sunrise.

I needed to think.

I had already made one really naïve mistake with Bob.

Movies and romance novels make it sound like love conquers all. If you have amazing chemistry and you’re right for each other, relationships just magically come together. But this isn’t Sleepless in Seattle.

There’s another cold hard truth in life…

Relationships are work.

Long distance relationships even more so. Couple that with the fact that Jake and I were at two different points in our lives and diverging, and it becomes more than just work.

I was living in Seattle with the goal of getting my bachelor’s in electrical engineering. I still had three years to go in the program. Aside from the cost of moving, the program that was paying for my schooling was now set, unless I wanted to fight for my funding again, I had to stay in Seattle until I graduated.

And believe it or not, Jake understood. He wasn’t asking me to give up any of that. He, like me, just wished that somehow things could be different.

But they weren’t.

Jake had married and divorced early in his military career. He had made quite a few mistakes after his divorce (I was one of them when he ghosted me in our first go-round). He grew up and learned from his mistakes. He was almost ten years older than me, established in his career and looking to settle down and get married again.

The Hard Truth

I was leaving in a few days. Unless something miraculous happened, it was unlikely that I was ever moving back to Charleston. There was no future for me and Jake after the end of the week.

We both knew it.

Next Adventure: A Quick Trip to Savannah, A Wild Party, Acceptance, and Parting for Virginia

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July 30, 2021

A Long Flight and A Dark and Stormy Night

My 30 Day Space Available Adventure, Part 2

People complain about how the discomfort of airline seats. Don’t get me wrong, I think they are terribly uncomfortable, too. As if the airlines go out of their way to engineer the seats to dig into our legs and backsides. I’m not sure how some people can sleep on airplanes. But I can attest that not much more uncomfortable than the hard metal of the jump seat of a C-130. Fortunately, for the 6+ hour flight from Washington State to North Carolina there was only myself, one other passenger and a bunch of pallets of cargo. After takeoff, the Load Master gave us a couple of gray military blankets and allowed us to stretch out on the floor.

It was a very cold metal floor. I lay on my back in between the cockpit and the pallets, staring up at the ceiling. The plane’s engines roared as we puttered east. I hoped it would drown out the growing doubts in my head. On the surface, I was calm. Inside, I was having definite second thoughts about my impetuous plan to hop on a plane and fly across the country. The less than amicable reply from *Bob about not coming to see him didn’t help matters. An when I say less than amicable, I mean yet another profanity laced missive telling me how horrible I was.

But his reply did cement one thing: he wasn’t as nice or caring as I thought, and perhaps my only mistake was believing that this was a worthwhile relationship.

The other passenger was an attractive, divorced, retired Army Colonel named *Erin on her way to North Carolina to visit her son. While eating the sack lunch provided, we fell into a fun chat about her exploits flying Space Available all over the world in between her business trips.

At some point during the flight, I confessed to my travelling companion what I was up to. She offered to give me a ride to the rental car place. I hadn’t considered the distance from the terminal on base to the rental car facility in town. I figured I would just take a cab or walk. It was a good thing I didn’t by the time we landed almost eight hours later…

Torrential Downpour

Not only did the flight take longer that originally forecasted, but we landed in the midst of a tropical depression. Since this was back in the early 2000’s cell service was still iffy. I landed only to find out that the rental car facility with which I had made a reservation closed at six. It was seven.

I had a meltdown…

Not being very sound of mind as it was, admittedly I started to cry. I was exhausted. It was seven at night in a strange town, and I still had a four plus hour drive ahead of me—assuming I could get a rental car. My mind raced through options. Maybe I could get a cheap hotel and regroup in the morning. I checked my phone. *Jake had called several times. I needed to call him back, but I wanted to have a plan first.

The Kindness of Strangers

Fortunately, Erin was still with me. She and her son were kind enough to help me find another open branch of the same rental car company in Fayetteville. The company was still willing to honor the reservation, but all they had available was a small pickup truck.

Into the Darkness

Armed with my steed, a cherry cola and a bag of Cheetos I picked up at a gas station, I wished Erin and her son goodbye and headed of into the darkness of the I-95 corridor. Jake was relieved to know that I had made it to North Carolina, but worried that I was on the road so late. He let me know that he would wait up for me.

A Storm of Thoughts

I’ve always liked road trips. They are great for listening to music and pondering. I had a lot to ponder as the wipers did their best to keep up with the rain coming down in sheets. I had left Charleston three years before heartbroken and facing an uncertain future with a diagnosis of MS. Things were definitely brighter, in the sense that I was on track to get an electrical engineering degree, though I still had quite a way to go.

But was a heartbroken over Bob? I was struggling to come to grips with that. Dating had been tough since I had been diagnosed with MS. In Bob I thought I had found someone who was understanding. This incident opened my eyes to a different side of him. He didn’t care about me. He just wanted to use me. He also had a mean/abusive streak.

Then there was Jake…

Jake and I had tried to make it work once. Then he dumped me/ghosted me. We reconnected later. There was always that: what if?

What if I hadn’t been leaving Charleston?

What if I had stayed and gone to college back there?

Could we have had something together?

None of the songs on the radio or the constant drone of the rain against the windshield had that answer for me as I drew closer to South Carolina. Even though I was exhausted, I seemed to catch a second burst of energy as I pulled into his neighborhood. The rain let up, tapering off to a light drizzle when I pulled into the driveway and killed the engine.

A Giant Spider Web

I remember staring up at the house and noticing an enormous spider web across his front window. I’m not kidding. This thing had a diameter of about 10 feet and was clearly visible, with droplets of water clinging to the silky strands. It looked like something out of a Halloween store. Jake came jogging out into the drizzle in his boxers and a t-shirt to help me with my backpack. But first he gave me a big hug. No hug had ever felt so good in my life up until that point. We raced into the house past the giant web.

A Heartfelt Request…

It felt so good to shower and wash off the grime of the day’s travel. I finished the beer he had brought me and I lay back on his couch, grateful to finally relax. He had put out sheets, a blanket and a pillow for me to sleep there. He stood watching me, hands on his hips, forget-me-not blue eyes full of concern.

“Daniella, are you going to be okay?”

“I’m fine,” I insisted, trying to ignore that familiar tug from his expression. “I made it here, didn’t I?”

“That’s not what I meant.” He bit his lip and looked over his shoulder toward his bedroom. Then he looked back at me again. “You don’t have to sleep in the Livingroom tonight. No. Let me put it another way. Would you sleep with me tonight?”

Question, readers…what would you have done?

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

I’ll tell you what I did, next blog…

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About the Author

July 26, 2021August 25, 2021

Getting Lost and Found: The Beginning of My 30-Day Space-Available Adventure

A while back I posted this picture on social media:

It was one of my most unique life adventures. For about a month during summer break from college in August of 2003, I flew around the US, wherever the military had Space Available Flights.

Several followers reached out and said they would like to know more about the story behind this trip.

Here goes:

The Backstory

Midnight 2001/2002 I met *Bob at a nightclub in downtown Seattle. We went on two dates before he was stationed overseas in preparation for Iraq.

Long Distance Relationship

Our relationship was mostly phone calls and letters. But he professed to love me and want to marry me. On one hand, I was rather flattered. This is the kind romance you read about in books or see in movies, right? Even my mom thought it was sweet, since that is how she and my dad met. My parents dated briefly before my father headed off to Vietnam, then they got married when he returned. They’ve now been married almost 50 years. In theory, it could work.

But Do You Really Know Him?

My guts told me this was rash. How much can you really get to know someone through calls and letters. I decided to give it a shot. At the same time, I really thought we needed to see each other more in person before taking it to the next level.

Through these letters and calls, we did learn quite a bit about each other. In particular, he did know about the fact that I had a chronic medical condition: MS. He also knew I was putting myself through school to get my electrical engineering degree in Seattle.

The Best Laid Plans of Mice and Men

In the on my summer break from college in 2003, I made plans to go visit him in Germany before he was due to rotate to Iraq. I was on a serious budget in college, so I researched taking military Space Available flights (I’m medically retired from the Navy, so I’m eligible).

The Inciting Event

During the final few weeks of classes, the stress brought on a migraine so severe, I had to be hospitalized (because they weren’t sure if it was a migraine or a stroke). When I was being released from the hospital, I sent him an email about what was going on and asked him to call me. I couldn’t call him at the time because of his location.

A Red Flag Flies

When he finally called, as I was being discharged from the hospital he said, “Is this going to be a regular thing? Because when we’re married, I don’t want to have to work.”

I was too stunned to come back immediately with anything, especially since I was still doped up on medications.

He then quickly dismissed me with something along the lines of, “take care driving home and I’ll talk to you later.”

I think you will understand when I tell you, that BOTHERED ME. And that is putting it mildly. I hoped he was joking. He said he cared.

WHAT THE HELL????

I wasn’t putting myself through the torture of an electrical engineering degree just for the fun of it. Though I am one of those psychos who likes to do math. In fact, the VA was paying for it on the premise that I would be employable at the end. I WANTED TO WORK. At the same time. I have Multiple Sclerosis. A disease that can choose to knock me flat whenever it wants.

One of my major criteria for a life partner was someone who would be on my team. Not someone who just wanted me to support him.

At the same time, I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. Part of me desperately wanted it to just be a misunderstanding. After all the letters and calls, yes, I had feelings for him.

Things Go From Bad to Worse

So, I sent him an email telling him that something he said really bugged me, and I wanted to talk about it. Could he give me a call back so we could discuss it?

His reply?

He was too busy. Just email him.

I really didn’t want to do that because I know how things can come off wrong in an email. I let him know that.

His reply was that I was starting to annoy him, and I should really just email what was on my mind.

So…I…did…

Oh boy…

The response in return was a profanity laced email that haunts me to this day. I won’t go into details. Sadly, I wasn’t rude. I just stated what he said and why it hurt me. The names he called me and how angry he got was terrifying.

I decided was not going anywhere in his vicinity.

New Plans and an Ex-Boyfriend/Old Friend

I was shaken and restless. I had a whole month off from school and work. I needed to escape. The walls of my apartment seemed to get smaller every time I read Bob’s violently angry email.

I know many people say you can’t be friends with an ex-boyfriend, but it just so happens I was.

I called up *Jake.

Backstory of Jake

Jake and I dated in the Navy in South Carolina. Our first go-round didn’t work out. He ghosted me in the worst way and broke my heart. I moved on. When I got diagnosed with MS and was getting ready to leave South Carolina, he called me one night out of the blue.

Jake apologized profusely with no expectations of forgiveness or friendship. He said that he had always felt guilty for what he had done, but didn’t know how to rectify it. He told some of his friends about it, and they insisted that he call and at least try to apologize. We went out for dinner. The sparks flew again between us, but I was moving away, so we became good friends.

When I called Jake and told him what happened, he suggested I come to Charleston and stay with him for a bit instead. I looked up the Space Available Schedule. While I couldn’t get directly to Charleston, SC; I could get to North Carolina and rent a vehicle.

The Adventure Begins…

I sent Bob an email that I wasn’t coming to Germany, and that we needed to take a break from each other. Which seemed silly in some ways since I hadn’t seen him in almost a year and a half at that point. But I needed time to process his violent response to my email. I let him know I would talk to him again when school started.

I packed my trusty green backpack. I have travelled with this baby across Europe, on camping trips in the Alaska backcountry, and I still have it to this day. I loaded it into the back of my red Hyundai and headed to McChord AFB, south of Seattle to catch my flight across the US.

Next: my flight to North Carolina and a Dark and Stormy Night

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent

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