Stories from the dating trenches…literally
I’ve been married now for 10 years. I still have vivid memories of the dating scene and of course, my strangest dates. I promised some of my followers I would do a blog post about one of the weirdest after we had a lively Twitter debate about dating deal breakers. So here it is, the full story on The Red Baron. I’ll give him a pseudonym of Mr. Baron for this blog post.
Date #1
As some of you know, I am a huge fan of history. In fact, I am even writing a historical fiction novel at the moment. It’s set in Dawson City in 1898. So, on my first date with Mr. Baron, I was pleased to fall into a deep conversation about WWI history and of course the man known as Baron Manfred von Richthofen.
https://www.history.com/topics/world-war-i/manfred-baron-von-richthofen
Now, Mr. Baron seemed like a half-way decent guy. REALLY knowledgeable about the Red Baron and his WWI flying history. In fact, I can’t remember talking about ANYTHING else on the date. To be honest, I don’t think he really asked me anything about myself. That being said, his knowledge of history had me impressed. Mr. Baron was a little odd, but so am I.
I figured I would give him a second date.
Date #2
On our second date, he spent most of it telling me about how he travelled to Europe to visit where the Red Baron was born in Poland, where he had trained to fly and where he had ultimately crashed and died in Vaux-sur-Somme, France. I was beginning to find his obsession with the Red Baron to be a little over the top.
Then I also thought, meh, we all have our thing.
I love Louisa May Alcott. When I went to Massachusetts in 2018 to graduate from my master’s program from WPI, we made a special trip to Concord, MA. We stopped at Orchard House. We even went to the Sleepy Hollow Cemetery and visited Louisa May Alcott’s grave. I did a whole blog post about the visit. So, I told myself:
Who am I to be so judgy?
Date #3
His Apartment-BIG RED FLAGS
On date number three we went for a hike near his apartment, then he invited me in.
Once again, he had other proclivities and mannerisms that gave me an odd vibe. I tempered it with the argument that he seemed like a nice, normal guy who was just REALLY into history.
I should mention not only was he into WWI history, but pretty much the whole era of the early 1900’s. Including the history of the sinking of the Titanic.
Walking into his apartment he had a full, wall-sized poster from the movie, Titanic. Staring at me from its very own glass case was Rose, from Titanic.
Yes folks, he had his very own KATE WINSLET DOLL!!!
The creepy vibes were overpowering as his doll watched our every move. He told me more about the Red Baron and his obsession with the Titanic as he tried to put his best moves on me. I made a polite excuse about needing to work the next day and bailed.
Final Phone call-Hailing the Spirit World
Mr. Baron called me later that week to chat. He proceeded to tell me all about how sometimes, he gets a medium to channel the Red Baron for him, so that he can know more about the Red Baron’s personality and traits so he can be more like him.
Look, I have nothing against seeking spiritual or professional guidance in your life. But damn. I think even Manfred von Richthofen has to be watching from the ether thinking, the same thing I was,
“GET A LIFE OF YOUR OWN!”
My brain was still stewing over his spiritual revelation when he asked his next question:
“So, what do you think your timeline is for when you’ll have sex with me?”
-The Red Baron
No, I hadn’t bedded Mr. Baron. My Spidey senses screamed NO on this one.
Now they were absolutely howling.
In my head I replied NEVER. I was starting to have visions of him asking me to cosplay as Rose from Titanic.
As I write this, my husband is all for re-creating the “drawing scene with the necklace,”—but I digress.
Over the phone, I politely told him I would have sex with him when I was comfortable and felt it was the right time.
You’re going to be shocked—he never called again. Guess the feeling was mutual.
The Best Comebacks
So relating this story a few weeks later to a friend and her boyfriend over beers at our favorite pub, and I get to the end. Her boyfriend chokes on his beer and starts to laugh.
“What?” I asked.
“OMG! You know what you should have told him?”
“No? What?”
“I only sleep with Real Barons.”
Why do the best comebacks always come to you when it is too late?
Thanks for reading friends. For my single friends, hang in there. I know it’s tough. In the meantime, I do promise to spill the secrets on some of my weird dating adventures (weirder than that?). Meanwhile stay tuned for more Alaska stories and reviews of great books. My own self-published horror novels, the Dark Land, and The Devil’s Valley are available on Amazon.
