#womenveterans – Scribbling For Fun

Day trip to Savannah, GA: Contemplation…

Since it was the last day I would have my rental car, I took a day trip down the highway to Savannah, GA one of my favorite places. I walked the riverfront and the old squares of the antebellum city. I always admired the way the Spanish moss hung on the stately live oaks. I drove the coastal highway out to Tybee Island. All the while, my mind churned over what I was going to tell Jake that night at dinner.

Lighthouse on Tybee Island, near Savannah, GA

By the time I made the long drive back up to Charleston, I knew what I was going to say.

Inflection Point

I think everyone in life has multiple forks in the road, or in my case, what I like to think of as inflection points. This was one for me. I was twenty-five years old, and had a series of less than fulfilling relationships under my belt, to say the least. I often attracted what was broken in me, clinging to relationships that weren’t working because I desperately wanted to be with someone. I felt that having a chronic illness made me in adequate to be loved.

This time, as much as I cared for Jake and he cared for me, I saw that this was not going to fulfil what I wanted and needed in life. I needed more than just a relationship with someone. I needed the right one who could support my goals and dreams. To cling to Jake and what we had, no matter how good it felt at the time, would be selfish. So I let go honestly and fully.

That night when I got back to his place and we talked, I told him I was never planning on moving back to Charleston.

I wouldn’t realize it for a long time after, but in that moment, I began to grow up.

Jake took it well. At the same time, for the rest of my stay there was a distance between us. The easy, carefree connection vanished. We made love a few more times, but it wasn’t the same. The painfulness of goodbye stole the magic.

Farewell Party

The weekend before I left, we attended a party hosted by some of his coworkers. Jake and his roommate played in the band. They covered rock classics like Watchtower by Hendrix and Whiteroom by Cream. I tend to be a wall flower in general, but this was one of the most welcoming and fun parties I had ever attended.

The following Monday, Jake drove me to the base at Charleston. In his late twenties, Jake broke his femur in a bad motorcycle accident. They had to install a metal rod in his leg. I remember him rolling his eyes as he set off the metal detector. He explained about the metal rod, but they still gave him a full pat-down. They waved the wand over his leg multiple times, then finally let us pass to the waiting area.

“Every time,” he grumbled, then laughed.

We kissed one last time before I boarded the C-130 for Norfolk. I promised to be careful and keep in touch.

It was bittersweet parting from Jake. Kenny Chesney’s Anything But Mine wouldn’t be released until the next year, but I always think of Jake when I hear that song.

A Positive Outcome

Believe it or not, there is a brightside to the story. At the party I mentioned, Jake met his future wife. They started dating and got married less than a year later. The last I heard from Jake, they had three kids and seemed happy. Jake and I lost touch around the time I moved to Alaska and met my husband. We had been friends on Facebook, but suddenly he wasn’t there anymore. I don’t know if he just discontinued his Facebook membership, or if he unfriended me. Either one is okay. I understand the need to eventually move on. But I will always think of him and our time together in Charleston as one of the best I have ever had.

Next Stop: Norfolk, Virginia

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About the Author

I joined the Navy at 18 to escape a small town in the Mojave Desert. A diagnosis of MS disrupted my dreams of becoming an astronaut or a super spy. I made limoncello from my lemons and became a super electrical engineer instead. My fascination with live high voltage drew me to Alaska. I came for the job, but stayed for the adventure. I enjoy blogging about my journey as a woman working in STEM, my experiences dealing with everything MS has handed me, and the wonder of the Alaska wilderness. My husband and I have undertaken the task of turning 30 acres of remote land into an off-grid retreat. I write stories about unique women in STEM who save the day and the hot guys who sometimes help along the way, as well as historical fiction about the Klondike Gold Rush. Teasers for these stories can be found on my website. I self-published my first horror novella, The Dark Land, on Amazon in May of 2020. I released the sequel, The Devil’s Valley, in May of 2021. Both stories are set in the wilderness of Wrangell-St. Elias National Park, and draw on the Athabascan “Head Waters Peoples” legends of the Cet’ann, or “The People With Tails”.

Some places were never meant for humans to trespass…

Killing Time and Relaxing

Those summer days hanging out on the beach, sometimes with Jake, but most of the time alone (he did have a job) were some of the best of my life. I finished The Two Towers and started The Return of the King. I managed to burn the hell out of my back because I lay on the shore too long in my bikini top and cut-off shorts on my stomach without putting on sunscreen or flipping over. Jake laughed at me that night and rubbed aloe on my back when he saw my burn (I hadn’t realized it…yet).

Isle of Palms Beach. On of my favorite beaches near Charleston, SC

He and his roommate had a band, and some nights I watched them rehearse. The Saturday before I was scheduled to leave, they were performing a huge party that one of their co-workers was planning. For the most part, it was a laid-back week of relaxing and just enjoying each other’s company. I didn’t have to put on a show or pretend to be perfect for him. He already knew who I was and liked it.

Spider Man

Me in downtown Charleston in August, 2003

Remember the giant spider the night I got there?

One night when we got home from dinner, the giant spider was halfway between the house and the tree in the front yard. No really, it was suspended by the lines it had created across the open space.

“I’m done with this. This is creepy!” Jake yelled, grabbing a shovel from the back of his truck. He annihilated the spider mid-air while I cheered him on.

A Divergence Arises

At the same time, a rift was opening between us.

A deadline loomed. It came to a head one evening.

“I wish you still lived in Charleston, and we could date for real again,” Jake said over dinner out of nowhere.

I looked at him across the table and said, ‘I wish I could too.”

In that moment, what wasn’t said was just as important as what was said.

The next morning when Jake got up early for work, I got up early too and drove to the beach. It was something I used to do a lot when I was stationed in Charleston. I would get up early and sit on the beach to watch the sunrise.

I needed to think.

I had already made one really naïve mistake with Bob.

Movies and romance novels make it sound like love conquers all. If you have amazing chemistry and you’re right for each other, relationships just magically come together. But this isn’t Sleepless in Seattle.

There’s another cold hard truth in life…

Relationships are work.

Long distance relationships even more so. Couple that with the fact that Jake and I were at two different points in our lives and diverging, and it becomes more than just work.

I was living in Seattle with the goal of getting my bachelor’s in electrical engineering. I still had three years to go in the program. Aside from the cost of moving, the program that was paying for my schooling was now set, unless I wanted to fight for my funding again, I had to stay in Seattle until I graduated.

And believe it or not, Jake understood. He wasn’t asking me to give up any of that. He, like me, just wished that somehow things could be different.

But they weren’t.

Jake had married and divorced early in his military career. He had made quite a few mistakes after his divorce (I was one of them when he ghosted me in our first go-round). He grew up and learned from his mistakes. He was almost ten years older than me, established in his career and looking to settle down and get married again.

The Hard Truth

I was leaving in a few days. Unless something miraculous happened, it was unlikely that I was ever moving back to Charleston. There was no future for me and Jake after the end of the week.

We both knew it.

Next Adventure: A Quick Trip to Savannah, A Wild Party, Acceptance, and Parting for Virginia