Tales From the Dating Vault: The One Time I Stood Someone Up.
Having been stood up and ghosted myself more than once, I find that behavior pretty childish. I will admit, there was one time I did it and I have no regrets. I’ll explain.
I met Todd* when I was working a week on/week off rotation in Prudhoe Bay. At the time I was single and looking. As the saying goes in Alaska, the odds are good, but the goods are odd. Even more so in a place like Prudhoe Bay, where there are way more guys than girls. Todd worked in a different department, but in the same camp. This good-looking, southern boy laid on the charm from the get-go.
*Once again, name have been changed to protect the not so innocent.
My best friend has a saying:
Don’t get your honey where you get your money.
My Best Friend’s Favorite Saying about Work Relationships
Having been burned by work relationships in the past I made it clear to Todd that I wasn’t interested in pursuing anything while we worked up north together. After sometime, I transferred to an Anchorage based position, but he and I kept in touch. He wanted to “pursue a relationship” with me now that we no longer worked together in such close quarters. I was till leery since he lived out of state (Louisiana) and worked a rotational up north.
It just so happened that he had a long layover in Anchorage one week and wanted to take me out on a date. I agreed to pick him up from the airport.
The day of, he called me at work to confirm the time. He also let a little bomb drop.
“It’s okay that I’m married, right?”
No. It was absolutely NOT okay that he was married.
He had months to bring up this information.
I sat at my desk flipping back and forth between shock and seething with rage.
He then launched into what I like to call the “Serial Cheater Speech.” At that point in my dating career, I had encountered enough married guys who were out trolling the dating market. They all had some well-rehearsed variation of the same speech:
- If I told you I was married you wouldn’t give me a chance
- We got married too young
- She let herself go
- We never have sex anymore
- She only cares about herself
- She’s cheating on me
- Etcetera
To be frank, I don’t care. I deserved to be with someone that is free to be with only me. Any guy that is using deceit at the start of a relationship just to trick me into being with him is bad news.
He didn’t respect me or want a real relationship with me. If he did, he would have been honest from the beginning.
He wanted to use me.
As much as I would have loved to give him an earful, I was sitting in the cube farm at work.
I decided on a better course of action.
He wrapped up his whiny speech with, “So, it’s okay, right?”
“Sure.”
“Great, see you at the airport.”
I hung up and put my phone on silent. He had some nerve.
I Turned Off My Phone
Wouldn’t you know, that afternoon was a gorgeous day for a bike ride on the Anchorage Trails. I had an awesome afternoon ride, enjoying the beautiful spring day. I came home that night to several missed calls and plaintive voicemails.
He called me at my desk two weeks later, when he got back on shift.
Note, not when he was home. Can’t have the wife find out he was trying to cheat!
He demanded an explanation as to why I didn’t show up. which I felt was pretty ballsy. As far as I was concerned he didn’t have the right to demand anything of me. But I decided to to respond honestly.
My Response:
You’re married. I don’t date married guys.
He tried to launch into his speech about his unhappy married life.
I cut him off and told him never to call again, especially not my work phone.
Time is valuable. I refuse to let people squander my time. I see too many people letting others waste their precious time. Yes, I stood him up. I have no regrets cutting out people who have no respect for my boundaries or time.
I met my future husband less than three months later. If I had been wasting my time with Todd, we would have never connected.
Set boundaries and value your time. The right people will always respect you for it.
Thanks for reading!
About the Author
I joined the Navy at 18 to escape a small town in the Mojave Desert. A diagnosis of MS disrupted my dreams of becoming an astronaut or a super spy. I made limoncello from my lemons and became a super electrical engineer instead. My fascination with live high voltage drew me to Alaska. I came for the job, but stayed for the adventure. I enjoy blogging about my journey as a woman working in STEM, my experiences dealing with everything MS has handed me, and the wonder of the Alaska wilderness. My husband and I have undertaken the task of turning 30 acres of remote land into an off-grid retreat. I write stories about unique women in STEM who save the day and the hot guys who sometimes help along the way, as well as historical fiction about the Klondike Gold Rush. Teasers for these stories can be found on my website. I self-published my first horror novella, The Dark Land, on Amazon in May of 2020. I released the sequel, The Devil’s Valley, in May of 2021. Both stories are set in the wilderness of Wrangell-St. Elias National Park, and draw on the Athabascan “Head Waters Peoples” legends of the Cet’ann, or “The People With Tails”.